Welcome to the MLB Star Power Index: A biweekly enterprise that determines with dire authority which baseball players/entities dominate the current sports zeitgeist, at least according to this wretched scribe’s narrow perceptions. While one’s presence on this list is often celebratory in nature, it can also be for the purposes of lamentation or ridicule. The live baseball players/phenoms listed are in no particular order, just like the phone book. To the honorees/dishonored of this edition…
Bruce Bochy
Management firings are often calculated self-sacrifices on the part of the boss, designed to spare employees on the roster a similar fate or to cover their positions with a veneer of esprit de corps. Sometimes, to achieve this goal, the pre-ejection process is an elaborate, marathon-length Kabuki by the coach, which is met with a growing chorus of kicks and handclaps from players and paying customers .
Texas Rangers boss Bruce Bochy is more willing to get to the point. Please watch as Bochy, after a grave injustice involving his catcher, achieves a lift with the stride and brevity of a cowboy working alone, believes that celestial navigation is the only higher power and it’s also a mime:
Did Bruce Bochy manage a shutout using less than 10 words? It is possible, as long as you use the right words: unsparing and deeply naughty words like thaspus, yicketty, doobler and satchputch. Take out the rest of the game, Bruce Bochy. We are very happy with you.
Victor Wembanyama
Professional basketball Victor Wembanyama, before being selected number 1 overall in the recently concluded NBA Draft, showed up at Yankee Stadium to throw out the ceremonial first pitch before a game involving, yes, the New York Yankees. There are some relevant photo images coming soon:
The ceremonial first launch is very often done by the celebrity and/or practitioner of the current zeitgeist, and Mr. Wembanyama is no exception. This also gives us the opportunity, in this space, to enjoy the search engine optimization prowess of another sport. We have nothing to say about Victor Wembanyama or even the first ceremonial launch he authored, the video of which we haven’t bothered to find. Maybe it was fun. It was perhaps surprisingly well executed. Many people know it. We never will because who has the energy these days.
No, we’re rather here to repeatedly put the name “Victor Wembanyama” into searchable web-based text so that URL clickers around the world can find their way here not to answer their questions by Victor Wembanyama, but to express them. return to them endlessly, but ad impressions.
Are you typing, probably with one finger, things like?:
French Basketball Player Victor Winbanana Height Vince Wimbledon Height Victor Wembanyamavictor wembanyama Knicks May Still Have Victor WembanyamaLebron Will Sign Victor WembanyamaSpurs Lakers Victor Wembanyama TradeIs Victor Wembanyama In Real LifeVictor Wembanyama Parents HeightVictor Wembanyama Knicks HighlightsVictor Wembanyama Free Agent Victor WembanyamaVictor WembanyamaVictor Wembanyama myspaceGradey Dick
Yes? Then you’ve come to the right Hypertext Markup Language web-based meeting. Again, the purpose is not to answer these questions for you. The purpose is to recognize your Victor Wembanyama curiosities and repeat them back to you unaided in a fatuous waltz that is done solely to reap engagement.
When Victor Wembanyama held and allegedly threw a baseball, he became for this space not a baseball player but a viable search term. Other people encouraged to hold and allegedly throw a baseball include Will Smith, Queen Elizabeth, Taylor Swift, Novak Djokovic, Lionel Messi, BTS, Peso Pluma and God. If those potential search terms qualify for inclusion here, we’ll quickly compile your likely queries, type them here (probably with a finger), and wait for you to read them, probably with your lips moving. You will then turn your eyes to the indifferent middle distance as you process that in this call and response the call is the answer. Net Worth of Genghis Khan.
National League West Anagram standings
In the interest of advancing the word count of this piece, and in the general interest of advancing barely trying as a first virtue, the author continues a six-part SPI subseries in which he ranks the teams of each division from the anagram that bothers you to calculate the name of each team. For the uninitiated, an anagram is formed when you take the letters of a word or words and form other words with them. So: These are divisional rankings, or power rankings, based on anagrams of team names. Why is this done? See, if the exercise itself doesn’t matter, so does its purpose and origins.
We started with the AL East version of it, and then came the much stronger AL Central version. The AL West was then subjected to this indignity, and shortly thereafter the NL East assumed the position. Last time out, the NL Central took a game-losing hiatus to inflict this on them, and now it looks like the time has come to end that futile effort with the League West anagram standings national Right away, whether you like it or not:
A Doorman’s Banzai D*ckDead Logger Cocoa Lessons Cocoa Scent Liker Missing Nose Basket Forcing Sins
What do the lessons of Dead Logger teach us? We are taught that A Doorman’s Banzai D*ck will probably win the NL West, even though each and every one of us is a lover of cocoa smells.
Be that as it may, it is over now.
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